BDSM, something for me?

Is BDSM for you? You're in love or horny and want to have sex with someone. But you want more, you're playing a game together… What signs do you give each other? When and how do you make it clear that you both want to play that game called BDSM?

BDSM meaning: what is BDSM?

The letters BDSM represent a creative approach to sexual exploration. But what exactly does BDSM stand for? Each letter describes a variation of a specific and creative sexual play.

• B stands for bondage;
• D stands for discipline;
• S stands for sadism (derived from the writings of Marquis de Sade);
• M stands for masochism.

Bondage

BDSM: A few examples of bondage. Has your partner ever held your hands above your head during sex, teased you, licked you, and perhaps tickled you until you could scream with pleasure? Were you then brought to a fantastic climax without any effort (you couldn't use your hands, remember?)? Or were you the one restraining your partner? Did you feel their arousal building and get turned on by the thought of you bringing them to that point? Ever experienced that? Then you've already experimented with a variation of bondage play, which is what the "B" in BDSM stands for. Not bad, huh? Sound exciting?

Discipline

What would happen if we were to expand this game further with some sexual creativity? Your hands are being held, and you and your partner are aroused. Now imagine being told to lie still, shut up, and not move. No matter how much you're teased and caressed, all you're allowed to do is lie still, otherwise... You might even get a few slaps on the backside if you don't listen and disobey. That's... discipline . Sound good so far?

S ado m asochisme

Then we take it one step further. Hands above your head, sexually aroused and curious about what your partner will do. A blindfold is gently placed over your eyes, and you're told to behave, be quiet, and obey everything your partner tells you to. It's also important that you understand that you should use the following words: "Yes, Master," "Yes, Mistress," "Yes, Sir," "Yes, Ma'am," or simply "Yes, I understand and obey."

One of you takes control, and the other submits. You both consent and allow yourselves to be carried away by the play. That final ingredient of BDSM is sadomasochism.

Dominance and submission in BDSM

Dominance and submission are two roles that help in playing with power and surrender. The dominant, also known as stupid or top called, in control. The submissive is submissive and relinquishes all power and control. The dominant pays close attention to the submissive in this play: what does they like, how can they be reassured, and how can they push the boundaries to create pleasure and tension? Telling someone what to do can give a wonderful feeling of power, but also concern for the other person. For the submissive, it's an act of surrender and, within that, relaxation because you trust the dominant. This is a huge act of trust in the dominant. That's why trust and consent are so important.

Consent, rules of the game and safe word

As you can imagine, BDSM is a choice. It's everyone's choice to see where, when, and where their shared sexual exploration will lead. There are a few important points to always keep in mind. BDSM is mutual consent. This means both partners (the one on top and the one on the bottom) decide together to play and can stop whenever they want. Therefore, use a safe word. Come up with a word that both of you can say whenever you want the play to end, such as "banana."

Safe & reliable

Sex with a trusted partner is often better, more intimate, and freer. In the intimacy between partners, new developments you discover together are more enjoyable. You can savor the memories together for a long time and devise new preparations together.

BDSM should be safe. Be aware of any health issues your partner may have, consider any fears that might arise, and understand the limitations of the equipment you use.

Sexual Dynamics

BDSM isn't just about experiencing concrete physical sensations; it's much more than that. If we consider the psychological aspect of Power & Submission, there's a whole area in which you can explore these feelings. For example, acting out a fantasy through role-play; it could involve psychological humiliation or forbidding someone from reaching orgasm… In all cases, it's about what you and the other person enjoy doing and experiencing. You discuss this beforehand; that's where foreplay begins.

BDSM supplies

You don't need a whole BDSM dungeon to enjoy exciting BDSM play. You can get started with simple tools, like blindfolds, handcuffs, or rope. Whips and paddles are also great ways to spice things up! Shop here bondage starter kit or the book Spanking for Lovers and the blog about spanking .

Have fun on your BDSM discovery journey!