Queer, Gender-Bender & Playing Your Role
Gender Bender
Does the gay gene exist or not? Are you born that way, or are you simply attracted to someone of the same sex? How many times have you had to explain that you're not attracted to every man or woman? And what does your sexuality actually have to do with your gender?
Sex, Gender and Sexuality
First, let's clarify: what is what, and how does it influence each other?
Sex is simply called your biological sex and is also determined by XX or XY chromosomes. From our traditional culture we say when we see a vagina; 'it's a girl' and when we see a penis, 'it's a boy!'. However, this is gender; namely the identity and meaning we give to a certain sex. Someone can be born with a vagina, but the gender identity can be, for example, male or non-binary. With sexuality we indicate the preference we have in the area of sex and love. Are you attracted to women, men or both?
Your sexuality, in particular, is fluid. It's not fixed and can change with different phases in your life and the relationships you form. But gender can also be fluid. How you express your gender identity can shift throughout your life, as can the needs that arise from it. It's important to remember that these things aren't written in stone, only in our passports. 
Does your role match how you feel?
So you're born as a woman or a man, and it seems like your path is largely predetermined. But does it really align with who you are? Sexual preference seems to be automatically divided into categories like straight or gay in most parts of our society. But do these identity categories actually do sufficient justice to your individual experiences and feelings?
From various studies, we can now say with certainty that straight women are more interested in sex with another woman than straight men are with other men. But what does that actually mean? What we do know is that women have a much more varied sexual spectrum. We also know that the differences within a group of men and within a group of women are greater than the differences between the sexes. So, how simple do you want it?
Who are you or what are you?
Getting to know yourself and developing according to your needs is much more interesting than being stuck in a role. Even if you're comfortable with your sex, gender identity, and sexuality, you can open up and broaden your perspective. By questioning your role and behavior in this way, you become more aware of your identity and strengthen your personality.
Gender-bender play
Let's explore how you can introduce an exciting variation: gender-bender play, into your relationship. In such role-playing, you literally and figuratively reverse roles. This is especially fun and interesting in heterosexual relationships, as they are often more rigidly defined. Now that men and women are seen as equals, we have the freedom to personally interpret gender clichés based on that. And that's both fun and confronting! Are you normally the seducer, and is your partner the docile? Turn it around! In a different role, you see your loved one in a completely different light.
What does it feel like to have a dick?
Dildos are super fun toys that allow you to play interesting games. For a role-reversal, consider a double dildo or a strap-on dildo. How special is it to take the "active" role? With a (strap-on) dildo, sex becomes a versatile game where you can explore both anus and oral sex.
Especially with these beautiful new products: the Bumperr and the Shagger. These turn your dildo into a duo-toy! This attachment sock is a fantastic invention, specially designed for when you wear a dildo in a harness. Most dildos have a flat back. Pull this soft silicone sock over the base, and you'll have a soft bumper when thrusting. The gentle curves also feel exciting for the vulva and clitoris.
What does it feel like to have a dick…? A standard part of our Handjob & Lingam Massage Workshop is asking participants to hold up a dildo to experience what it's like to have a dick. We often hear that this is a key moment of sensation for women.
In a heterosexual relationship, being the recipient is a unique experience for someone with a penis. They can experience what it feels like to submit to penetration. What does it feel like to give a dildo a blowjob, and how does that feel for you, the one wearing it? Also check out our blog on Anal Sex.
There's also plenty of room for (role)play when it comes to clothing. How would he feel to strut his stuff in a short skirt or garters ? Fun!
With a little courage and a lot of extra attention to how you can please and satisfy each other, you can bring playfulness into your (sex) life.
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The Pete T
Runk from the famous SpareParts is a pair of pants that house Mr. Limpy . Naturally, for the wearer's greater enjoyment and pleasure!
American therapist David Deida wrote the book | The Power of Real Men, in which he questions and examines the role of men in contemporary society.
Buck Angel, the man with a pussy , is more than just a transgender porn star. He's a legend, a maverick, an activist who showcases the sexuality of trans people.
In short: a wealth of variations and examples for inspiration. Challenge your curiosity and play with the different elements of gender and sexuality for more fun and space in your (sex) life!
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